(no subject)

Backstory: Business is open late, as in 2-3AM in the morning. At 11PM one of my employees notice that a man in a truck is parked right outside the door in the handicap spot watching the building. He does not come in, order anything, whatever.

As the handicap spot is predictably right outside the main doors, we can see him. He's there for more than two hours, and at that point we are getting a bit concerned. The town we are in is not horrible, but hey, it's nearing 2 in the morning and this guy's just sitting there. It's winter outside and freezing, so there's really no reason for him to be sitting outside for two hours in his truck unless he's either looking to case the place or his car broke down or something. Also, we were going to close in less than an hour, and no one is getting paid enough to get jumped in the parking lot after work.

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Backstory: This little Pwning happened about a week ago, while I was cleaning tables and picking up glasses before they got broken in a bar. I have an accent that I have been unable to match to anywhere I've lived.
Script form, sorry.

Male customer, after hearing me talk: Hey, you're an American!
Me: No, sir.
*I turn around to carry the eight glasses I'm carrying back inside*
Customer: So you must be a lesbian then!
*I turn back to stare at him for a few seconds because, wow, does this guy think he's God's Gift to Straight Women or something?*
Me: No sir, that's a small island in Greece.

And I left, trying not to giggle.
Gamer Girl

Call center PWN moments

To set this story up requires a little bit of personal info. We had some BIG wind storms one year and those storms took out power for a LOT of people in the western side of our state. I had been without power for 5 straight days at this point. (This was a few years ago)

The company I worked for was a cable provider. Many of us dreaded coming to work during a power outage because customers could never understand that just because they have a generator doesn't mean that we will be able to provide them with their cable or internet. At this point in time, even our building had no power and was running off generators.

I actually have two stories from this one single day.

Guy #1:
HIM: Well _I_ have power so why the fuck doesn't my cable work.
Me: Sir.. are you on a generator?
HIM: Of course!
Me: Even if you have power, your cable working requires that we have power as well.
HIM: SO? Go get a generator!
ME: We would have to supply power to every single node. A node is one of those metal boxes you see on almost every intersection and there is simply no way to provide a generator for every single one. There are hundreds in this state and not all of them belong to us.
HIM: Well put battery back-ups in them then!
Me: They do have battery back-ups but those only last for an hour and just long enough for us to shut things down so there will be no damage when the backup runs out. Your area has been without power for 5 days. No affordable battery back-up that will fit in a small metal box lasts that long.
HIM: Well get a fucking generator for them then.
Me: Sir.. why don't you call around and see just how hard it is to get a single generator during a state wide power outage and then call us back. Especially since us renting that generator would result in some poor family freezing in a dark home for days just so YOU can watch cable tv.
HIM: .... *click*

I was just hoping he realized what a fucking douche he was being.

Guy #2:
Now this one was actually funny because the customer didn't feel PWNd and actually turned into an awesome customer when I did tell him off.

HIM: -Same line as above caller because all of these guys seem to think that because they have power via generator, we should be able to give them their damn TV OMG! -
Me (sounding like a broken record): I do apologize Sir but it simply is not an option for us to use generators due to the sheer number that would be needed to provide even one neighborhood with cable service.
Me: Maybe play board games? I have been without power for 5 days myself Sir and we currently have a Risk game going between five people including my daughter, who is winning by the way.
(Here is where I expect him to flip his shit because I just pretty much pointed out he should be a parent to them instead of calling us to insist we should magically make things work without power.)
HIM: Wow. That's a great idea! I think we have monopoly around here somewhere.

I was completely shocked by his response. I was just so fed up with all the EBs screaming about how they wanted to watch tv and should be able to simply because THEY have a generator. He was all smiles for the remainder of the call and didn't call back with the other EBs when there was still no power the next day.

(Just a quick edit to add that, during all of these calls I was never rude with my tone though perhaps with my words. But when you are called in to help another department because people are blowing up the phone lines pissed they can't watch their cable tv. Meanwhile.. I don't even have a generator, had to throw out all of my groceries I had just bought AND spend what little money I had left after grocery shopping to buy firewood because it was winter and we had no power. Which, by the way, we had to be in front of the grocery store at 4am just to get said firewood because EVERYONE was without power.. well.. I had 0 patience left.)
Charisma Flash of Light on Bottom

"Would you like some cold, nasty hashbrowns?"

This story about a dim-witted customer not understanding that someone didn't have cash on hand to do an exchange reminded me of one of my own.

I work at the BK Lounge. One day, we had to pull a car, as we were waiting on hashbrowns. For some reason, the guy thinks if he parks his car at the door and comes inside, his food will be ready instantly.

He gets inside and sees that he still has to wait.

Him: "Even if I come inside I have to wait?"
Me: "Yes, sir."
Him: "But I'm in a hurry!"
Me: "Well, we're currently waiting on fresh hashbrowns. We also have some nasty, cold ones, if you'd prefer?"
Him: "No, I guess that's okay."
Me: "I kind of figured."

X-Posted as a comment in reference to a post on C_S

Me @ Till [picture an L shape. The tall part of the L is gum and candy, the bottom part is the counter with me behind it.]
Blind*/Stupid Customer

BS Customer: [walking straight to me as entering the store] Do you carry gum?
Me: [Giving the benefit of the doubt] Do you mean the 10/multi packs or just singular packs of gum, ma'am?
BS Customer: Just regular packs of gum.
Me:*Turns head, looks at the big rack of gum and candy not 6 inches from her* Um? What kind? Are you looking for a certain brand or flavor?
BS Customer: *glaring at me* Gum, just a pack of gum. Do you carry gum here?
Me:*turns head, looks at gum and candy rack again, back at her* (couldn't help myself) No, ma'am. We do not carry gum here.
BS Customer: *leaves*
Me: *calls co-worker over to share the story, LOLs ensue*

Yeah, I know that was a bad_service, I could have said yes, right beside you. But REALLY? My manger thought it was hilarious.

Sorry, I loved every moment of this.

(no subject)

I work at an airplane company..  I do floors, making them all nice and pretty..  not just mopping them, we're talking stripping, scrubbing, re-waxing type stuff.

Customer pwned themselves by GOING UNDER THE MULTIPLE LINES OF CAUTION TAPE to walk on our freshly waxed floor only to slip and fall on their ass.
Rarity say bitch please, Rarity

Passive Aggressive PWNage!

I just found this community, and I LOVE it!

This pwnage relates to a sucky customer I had whilst working for a CD/DVD/game seller in Ireland. This particular company is pretty big in Ireland and the UK, and all price stickers for products feature the product format (i.e. CD, DVD, game, console, etc.), the artist/title of the product (if applicable) and the price. They also feature the SKU of the product, so in case of any mixups with prices the SKU can be checked on the computer system to see if it was the right sticker on the wrong product. Normally, mixups only happened with 1 disc versus 2 disc DVDs, and with regular and special edition CDs.

Anywho, I am now transferring you to the department of "backstory done, suck and pwnage to follow!"

We frequently got the worst scam artist I have ever encountered in retail coming in and (who'da thunk it?) trying to scam us. She would go to display stands directly in front of the tills where staff could see her and look for a price sticker that she found acceptable, then proceed to swap the cheaper stickers onto the products she wanted to buy.

A LOT of staff were at the end of their tethers with her shenanigans, and I was one of them.

On this particular day of sweet, sweet pwnage, idiot scammer lady comes in and is looking at the display of Michael Jackson CDs (there was a HEEYOOOOGE display done, seeing as MJ had only recently passed away when this happened), and as it was quiet I called loss prevention and told them this scammer was present in store, and also that I was keeping an eye on her. They thanked me, and I went back to eyeballing and earlobing the customer. (Earlobing is like eyeballing, only not as direct.)

Aha, she found a price she liked and swapped the stickers, bringing the most popular MJ CD up to my till that, having scanned in at least a thousand times since MJ's death (no exaggeration) I knew the price and SKU by heart. Her price sticker said €8.99. Like I said, I knew the price by heart, and it should have been €16.99.

I sighed dramatically, and said in my sweetest I'm-ever-so-sorry voice, "Oh my goodness, not again... I'm so sorry, miss, but this is not the correct price for this product. It should be €16.99."

She looked like she was going to kick up a fuss, like she always did, but I cut her off, saying, "To be honest with you, I know it's inconvenient and annoying, but it's usually silly kids who come into our store and change stickers just to cause trouble. And the funny thing is, if our loss prevention team caught them doing it, we could have them charged with fraud and arrested." (Which is true, the LP team considered this sort of price changing to be fraud, and while they had bigger fish to fry what with theft in the store being as bad as it was, a charge would be brought if a customer was found to be doing that.)

My sweet voice turned icy when I said "charged with fraud", and then I smiled and said, "So is €16.99 okay?"

She opened her mouth and closed it several times while her eyes nearly bugged out of her head, and then she all but threw a twenty at me. I gave her the CD in a bag, her change and chirped thank you and other pleasantries at her as she RAN from the shop.

After she left, I nearly collapsed with giggles, and according to the staff she hasn't chanced the same bullshit since.

Sometimes, ladies and gents, passive aggressive is the way to pwn a customer.
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Theatre pwn: don't mess with the person who takes care of your costumes.

I wish I'd known about this community sooner, as I had a few good moments of customer pwnage from my job last year. However, this one is the shortest and quite possibly the best of all of them:

Last summer, I was working as a wardrobe dresser for a summerstock theatre. One of the shows I was helping with required me to take two baskets full of costumes back to a dressing room and put them away. (They were two suits with accessories). It wasn't a terribly long process, but it was tedious at times because the costume racks were rather higher than I could reach. This particular night one of the actors became snippy, and said, "You're taking too long!" when I was trying to put away his stuff.

I stopped what I was doing, looked at him, and replied quite bluntly, "Okay, then. Pick up your own shit," and left.

Later on, he admitted that he was a bit perplexed when I didn't return.

Thankfully, the rest of the run went by swimmingly.